6.17.2013

Creepy Crawlies


Tank: Zara
Lace trim bike shorts: Only Hearts
Lace Bra: Zara
Creepy crawly skirt: dELiA*S, hoarded for over 1/2 my life
Shoes: BCBG, circa 2006






I've jokingly admitted to my "hoarding" problems before, this skirt is another example of old clothing I just can't let go of.  The truth is I keep a pretty tight ship, my parents are just nice enough to store some of my more unique pieces till I need them again.  

Recently though, I've had other problems not being able to let things go, more specifically major-serious-out-of-the-blue-acute anxiety, the kind that feels like you have creepy crawlies on your skin and need to shake them off, the kind that comes out of no where and is triggered by anything/nothing.  It is paralyzing, it is damaging, it makes me lose focus and lose control of my emotions.  

There are several factors contributing to this, some genetic, many circumstantial, after all in the last 9 months I've lost my job, been unemployed, started a new job and moved to a place where I know next to no one.  Looking back, with what is becoming a more lucid mind, I can pinpoint where things started deteriorating and now with the help of a professional I am getting better and hope to learn how to prevent this again.
 
I've been posting less recently because I have been in the thick of it, feeling like I don't like myself and if you don't like yourself how can you like what you're wearing and feel like you should be sharing it on the internetz?  I'm getting better and hope that soon this space reflects that as well.     

Why am I writing about this?  Because I can.  Because I've read several other mental health confession blog posts and it made me feel better.  Because I am not embarrassed.  Because it helps me feel better.

xo

PS.  I'm never one to pass on shameless self promotion, no matter how unlike me I feel, so here's a screen shot from the last time I wore this skirt, I was caught by Anthony Bourdain's cameras for his No Reservations Brooklyn show.  LOOK MA, I'M ON TV!



2 comments:

  1. A No Reservations cameo?! AWE.SOME!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Holy hotness, this skirt is the shit! I'm pretty sure I ordered stuff from Delia's as far back as 1998, but I don't know if I still own anything from that far back.

    It makes perfect sense that old habits would creep up when you've got this much on your mind. You probably know this, but a behavior like hoarding isn't really a disorder, it's just the manifestation of a particular neurochemical behavior in your brain. When you don't actively channel that chemical behavior, that's how it manifests, but if you DO choose to actively channel it, you can use it to hardcore sort and organize your stuff, and even get rid of a bunch of it if it's bugging you.

    Now that things are settling down for you, you'll have plenty of brain energy free to actively pick how you want that strong, overactive function of your mind to work! I'm definitely not worried about you. :)

    ReplyDelete